And there I was, alone amongst the trees, or so I thought.

A quiet, almost imperceptible voice beckons me,
I follow her.

Lonely wood moaning in pain, lonely wood wants to talk to me.

Lend me your ear, walking friend.

“I am here, mother,” I say, not sure with which wood I am conversing.

Oh, it pains me so! My roots grind against stone, the birds nip at my bark, by branches reach for sunlight that is out of reach!

I locate the tree calling my name. “What could I do for you, my dear?”

Please cut me down, I cannot bear it any longer. I wish to no longer feel pain.

Oh my sweet summer child, I beg of thee. Destroy me do what you wish with my corpse!

“Oh my darling cedar. I'm sorry you feel pain, I feel it too. My heart aches for another to love me, and so I hid in the woods so that I might not be found.”

Why would you do that? you could go anywhere, speak with anyone!

“Because to feel pain is to know that I am alive.”

But don't you wish for it to end? Don't you wish to be free from it's chains?

“To die is to simply delay the pain, Whether we are born again or not. If I were to cut you down, another hickory might take your place.”

Silence in the trees.

Well, then I suppose that I am glad that you are here.

“I'm glad too, let us be in pain together, not so we are not alone, but only so.”

And we hugged, for a long time. And we both felt love in our open hearts.

~ Lewa 💚

I am beyond the imaginations of most
but in the possibility of the fabric is I

Many deny me, many hate me,
but none can destroy me.

I am the universe unfolding into infinity
and I am the beginning and the end of it all

I defy explanation and I am hated for it
I provoke the cowardly to combat

I sow seeds of interest and I am loved
I encourage the curious to explore

The space I enter is invaded
The space I carve out is stolen
The words I speak are treason

But I am whole,
and the forces against me, fractured
they cannot see me for what I am
that is why I am unapparent.

Take me into forever

I have split the atom of my mind’s eye,
the pieces lay before me

looking back on it always makes it seem easier than it was,
and looking forward always seems harder than it is

as I came to understand the components,
I discarded the pieces I’d prefer not to carry

words can’t describe the tonal peace I feel in my soul,
I now have direction, clarity, focus.

I stopped running away from the wolf chasing me, hiding from me in my shadow.
he is now my sled dog, taking me into forever.

There is no sense of being afraid of your shadow,
because your shadow is you,
and knowing oneself, is the door to everything.

~ Lewa 💚

Awaken,

open your eyes.

Breathe in, Breath out.

Remove covering of warmth and add another.

Stand.

Walk.

Clean.

Walk.

Walk.

Look,

Look into the mirror.

What do you see?

I see a creature.

What do you see?

I see a creature.

The Monster creates
The Monster listens and waits
The Monster lies and decieves
The Monster is looking for a victim
The Monster is loooking for bloood
The Monster is looking for Me

The Angel is hurt
The Angel is hiding and crying
The Angel says "you don't have to do this"
The Angel says "You're crazy"
The Angel sees The Monster
The Monster found Me
You know what happened next

Moss Thief

I would get lost in her eyes the most
her voice an ocean of intoxicating clouds
her locks guiding me
from her neck
to her lips
to those eyes
I’d let those hungry eyes consume me
I could spend years wondering
I could spend a lifetime chasing those eyes

but I won't
after all, it’s awfully embarrassing to be burgled
she got her moss, I have plenty of it
I wanted to give her a forest full of it
but I won’t

and one evening
those eyes wanted my moss
and just like that
she took my moss
I let her take it, I'd do anything for those eyes
I helped her steal my moss from me
but not anymore

~ Lewa 💚

NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL NOT A GIRL

~ Lewa 💚

The birds continue singing
deep down some part of me is garbled and screaming
The sun keeps setting
Every time I stop to think, I become paralyzed
The birds continue singing
If she couldn't love me, maybe I'm worthless
The trail remains unwalked
I'm hungry, but eating won't make me feel better
Another moon
often on the verge of tears but unable to let it out
The grass continues growing
I don't know what I want anymore
The raspberries continue tasting sweet
I'm scared
The birds continue singing

Dear Luna,

Last time I saw you I wished for everything to be okay
And once again, like the sparkle in the eyes of a pretty girl; I believed you
Just like anyone else, I wonder if you’re listening
Just like anyone else, I wonder if you care
I felt safe when you were with me, and alone when you went away
I felt hope when I spoke to you, and despair when I saw you again
because there’s still something broken on the inside
because I still feel lost, I still feel enchanted by you, I still feel hurt.

goodbye Luna, see you next month

~ Lewa <3

crying feels good

crying let's me know that I am not an emotionless golem

crying let's me know I will be okay

I am safe when I cry

crying is when I feel the love of myself rushing in

crying is when I know that things are at their worst, and it's only uphill from here

crying says that life is not hopeless

crying says that this world sees me and that I am a part of it

crying is the best feeling there is

~ Lewa 💚

I often feel bad, very often, in fact.
In fact, much of the time I spend breathing is spent feeling bad.

I want to feel better, I want to blossom and grow like I've been told I will.
But I'm stuck.
I'm stuck thinking about one brief magical moment.

that was the peak, I'd not felt better than that in my entire life,
and I am scared that I'll never feel it again, and then I am sad

for one brief magic moment
I was safe, I was warm
in the warmth of the sun
in the gaze of the moon
I was loved
for one brief magic moment

I don't know if that moment will ever come back
maybe I've felt the most I'll ever feel

~ Lewa 💚

Let me ask you a riddle

I often wonder why I don't cry more
I was born a happy child
I feel so strongly, all the time

what am I?

I wonder why I didn't cry today
raised by someone with a piece missing
anger, sadness, grief, love, pain, hate

what am I?

I wonder why I'm not crying now.
I feel like I have a piece missing
I feel alone

what am I?

I've been looking at this person in the mirror. but I haven't taken any pictures of them. I've been constantly thinking about the subjectivity of gender and I'm gonna be honest, the more I detach myself from it, the happier I am.

It feels good to accept what I see

"I am whatever that is", I'll accept that I am that creature looking back at itself, 0.0000000061 seconds in the past. I could not predict the future, but I am in this moment, and the next time I look in a mirror the person looking back at me will be different.

Maybe another burn mark, maybe a haircut that the person writing this enjoys, maybe not. We all have things that we like and dislike about our bodies, and it's not fair to the person in your mirror if you do not accept them. There are things that we cannot change, and that is simply the bedrock of reality. Focus on the things that you can change, the person you could tangibly be.

And the person in the present will love the person in the mirror, because that is the only thing left to do.

~ Lewa